


Silver Star

by deanisbi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Soldier AU, Soldier!Dean, Tumblr Prompts, im really sorry honestly, its not that bad tbh, my inspiration for this was drawn from a song my mother wrote; hence the title, no im not lmao i hate myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanisbi/pseuds/deanisbi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unafraidcas said: Destiel, number 22 (things you said after it was over). Make me cry o;</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver Star

The world didn’t stop spinning the day Dean Winchester died.

The earth didn’t split; the apocalypse didn’t rain down upon it.

Although, for Cas, it might as well have.

His ears rang as the three-volley salute was preformed and his eyes burned as he watched the honor guard fold the flag and present it to Sam.

Sam was crying, openly and without holding back, clutching at the flag, wrinkling it, with white-knuckled fists in a way that almost would have been undignified if not for the circumstances. 

Cas sucked in a harsh breath through his teeth and turned to look forward again, over Dean’s casket, at the rest of the yard behind it.

It wasn’t even raining. 

It was  _sunny_ and cool and Dean’s favorite kind of day and it bothered Cas _._

It bothered him because Dean would never get to enjoy this kind of day again and that  _wasn’t fair_.

Cas pulled the sleeves of his suit down over his hands and reached up to press them to his face.

He didn’t want to be there.

He knew, from one offhand conversation he’d had with Dean only last summer that he didn’t even  _want_ a funeral. 

“ _I don’t want a bunch of people, half of which I’d probably not even know well enough to name, sitting around my dead body with wet eyes. It’s pointless, just bury me in the ground for god’s sake.”_

Cas had laughed.

It never seemed like a true possibility, that Dean would actually fucking  _die._

Even then, as he watched, through the tears blurring his vision, people one by one laying white roses on Dean’s casket, he couldn’t comprehend what was actually happening.

He stayed seated, waiting until even Sam left, to approach the wooden box and rest a hand on it’s top.

Cas drew in a deep breath, nearly choking on it as he let out an involuntary sob.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

“I’m sorry.”

A breeze blew across his face, drying the tears there. 

“I love you.”

Cas’ knees nearly buckled and he sets his other hand, palm down, on top of the casket to steady himself.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Dean. I don’t know how I’m going to live.” 

Cas always considered Dean indestructible. 

He always came back from his tours.

He never let anything beat him. 

Hell, if he’d ever even been shot, Cas hadn’t heard about it.

“What am I gonna tell Mary? When she’s old enough to ask?”

Their daughter was at home with a babysitter, whom Sam had had to hire, Cas being too wrecked to do much of anything.

“Christ,  _Mary._ I can’t do this alone, Dean. How am I supposed to do this alone?” 

Cas knew what Dean would say if he was there, “ _You always changed all the diapers anyway.”_

Cas slid his hands off the side of the casket, disrupting a few of the flowers but unable to bring himself to care.

“I need you here, Dean.”

He felt dizzy and nauseous and like reaching forward and shoving the casket onto it’s side as if that would do any good.

Instead, he took three steps back, and pressed his sleeves to his eyes again. 

“I love you, Dean.” He whispered, for the last time. 

And the world might as well have ended.


End file.
